Things That Happened and Other Stories

by The Burning Glass

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The debut album from Edwin Brooks and The Burning Glass

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released March 22, 2014



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The Burning Glass London, Ohio

Edwin Brooks writes songs that tell stories and make people laugh, jiggle about and even occasionally cry. The band use tuned percussion, ukulele, fiddle, drums and lots of singing to bring these songs to life in their own distinctive style of acoustic pop. They will be performing their debut recording ‘Things that Happened and Other Stories’ on the festival circuit in 2014. ... more


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Track Name: Leather Jacket (Free to Download)
Got myself a leather jacket
From the British Heart Foundation and I’ve been
Rocking this bad boy loo since then
I know I only look like James dean in my own imagination
But I’ve been dreaming the same old dreams.

Got a faulty alternator in my ‘P’ reg. Ford Fiesta
I’ve been parking at the top of the hill for a while
I’ve got to get enough momentum to drag me out of this depression
I need a spark of inspiration please
I’ve got the kind of coat you feel at home in
Probably how the cow did before somebody brained him
Now I’m sitting in my car at the bottom of the hill
And I’m not going anywhere this weekend

Once I built a bottle rocket
That outstripped the competition
My foot pumped on my foot pump until it flew
Up above the upturned faces of aspiring diminutive space scientists
And I remember hoping it would never come back down
Gravity’s a law you can depend on
Got less than ten pounds to spend on
Looking hip slick swerve and definitely debonair
But I don’t care
I feel lighter than the air.
Track Name: Origami Birds
Late to develop I was told
I’d never be a ninja
Went home and cried for a while
And became a TEFL teacher
Flew to Brazil and got sunstroke
On Copacabana beach
A cockroach fell into my can of coke
I was vomiting for hours
Feeling pretty foolish very white and much to English
I started smoking cigarettes
Waiting for my adult life to start

Met a girl in evening dress and heals
Who said she worked in cinema
I had a mental image to conceal
Of me naked underneath her
Never happened but that is OK
Because I’ve got it in the archives
Of my late night onanism library
Under ‘C’ for cinematic imagery
Drowning out my sorrows bought a second hand miniature banjo
It was totally unplayable
The soundtrack to my freshly broken heart
Waiting for my adult life to start

How the days we live in all unfold like origami birds
Looking back we can’t make out at all the shapes they had before

Found a dead guy in the street
Near apartment
Tried to tell a cop in bad Portuguese
He was totally indifferent
He didn’t even take my name or check his pulse
He just walked away
Smoking a cigarette
I went home a watched foreign TV shows
Watching foreign TV shows all night
Track Name: Bumblebees
Booked myself a holiday
Somewhere in the sun
Six thousand degrees or so
Is hot enough for anyone
Happiness is not enough
I demand euphoria all of the time
So said Calvin to Hobbes
And it’s like he read my mind

Do you know what I mean when I say that I feel like foreign currency?
Kept in a jar on your window sill
Waiting for your next holiday
It’d be a shame if I was replaced
Like Deutschmarks Drachma Franks and Lira
It’d be OK if you took me away and left me
Somewhere in the sun

The ashtray gives the game away
I haven’t slept a wink
Got up every hour or so
To piss in the sink
I wish I had a million me’s
I’d send them out like bumblebees
To fertilise the flowers that grow
On the slopes of the Pyrenees

I can’t draw any conclusions
But I can draw quite convincing polar bears
I would like to turn my life around
But that would be like
Convincing polar bears to tap dance
Or go vegetarian

Did something inexplicable
Riding on my bike down hill one night
I’d like to say it was the brakes that failed
But actually I shut my eyes
Just for a minute or two I flew
Till I swerved into the curb and went over the handlebars
Thankfully there where no cars
But I’ve still got scars

Do you know what I mean when I say that I feel like I’m tap dancing on thin ice
Left to my own devices I just can’t decide if I’m indecisive
Stretching metaphors like rubber bands round letters in a postman’s hands
Going about his rounds pretending he’s a bumblebee.
Track Name: Memoirs of a Cloud
We let go of every droplet of water we had stored up inside us
Not that we’re crying we’re not we’re just letting it go
We’ve no aspirations we’re mostly just moisture
That we gathered up
Through transpiration
Don’t think we’re lonely we’re not we’re just here on our own
We don’t look down on people who open umbrellas
And hunch up their shoulders for shelter
Not that we care if they’re there or they’re not it’s the same
We rain on a bride and we rain on her wedding day
Rain on the rabbits
And rain on the motorway
Not that they’re tiny they’re not they’re just so far away.

When we are dry we can lie like a quilt
On the countryside comfortably curled up beneath us
Not that we’re empty we’re not we’re just floating away
We rained on a girl who was writing a letter
We rained down her love on a boy who felt better
To know she’s not distant she’s just a great distance away
She’s just a great distance away.
Track Name: Marilyn
I have been in love with you since I was ten
I had a major sexual awakening
When I saw you kissing Tony Curtis
On a yacht
In Some Like it Hot

I’m sorry that you had to meet a sticky end
In such unpleasant circumstances
Like John Lennon, Jesus or Jim Morrison
All that’s left of you is a Skeleton

I went to an exhibition of your things
And I when I though that the attendant
Was not attending
I buried my face in your purple dress
To catch the scent
Of Chanel No 5
But all I got was dust and mothballs

Marilyn oh Marilyn Monroe
I want you to know

You where the first girl that made me want to grow up
To get a hair style
I never got one but
I was dipping my toe in the turbulent tide of sexuality
Tentatively at first
But then my thirst took hold of me
Your dress was so tight I could hardly breathe

Maybe you should not have slept with the Kennedys
But think of all the money that you saved on plastic surgery
I have never been the president of anything
But whether or not the yacht was mine I could have sung you happy birthday on it
I think I could have made you happier than all that Valium
All that’s left of you is a skeleton.
Track Name: Talk to Spiders
I can talk to spiders I can talk to spiders psychically I know exactly when an egg is absolutely right and there’s no liquid white only liquid gold it’s the kind of alchemy that occupied a young Da Vinci maybe that is what is really in the Da Vinci code? I can talk to spiders did he talk to Spiders? Also psychically I know precisely when the train will stop and so I stand exactly where the doors will open wide
I always know what spiders think
I only have to ask them
What do you think Mr spider sir?
What is on your mind?
I can talk to spiders we talk for hours
Talking in the shower they give me psychic powers
Psychicallytoknowexactlywhenaneggisabsolutelyrightandthere’snoliquidwhiteonlyliquidgold. PSYCHICALLY TO KNOW EXACTLY WHEN AN EGG IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT AND THERE’s NO LIQUID WHITE ONLY LIQUID GOLD.
Track Name: Eleanor's Ukelele
My Great Grandmother came on a steam boat
From New York in a new century
Saying goodbye to her friends and family
She packed up her bags and her Ukulele
But something snapped or something slipped
As they loaded up the bags onto the ship
And down the Ukulele fell
Into the North Atlantic swell
As the captain rang the bell
She was raising hell and hollering

Stop this ship
Somebody better go over board for me
They just dropped my Ukulele

Her name was Eleanor she was not a girl you could ignore
She had a will of iron and her head was full of songs
That she’d learnt as a girl
With the snakes in the mountains and
Sung to her mother when the nights where long

Down down down went the case into the water
Drowned drowned drowned where the contents of the case
She was leaning over the starboard side
Looking pretty dissatisfied
My Great Grandfather’s future bride
Was leaning over the side and shouting

Stop this ship
Somebody better go over board for me
They just dropped my Ukulele

The seagulls shrieked and the foghorn sounded
Down in the dark it was a silent as the grave
Her voice was snatched by the noise of the departure
Soon that ship was well underway

Down it sank like a stone into the ocean
A hermit crab was disturbed by the commotion
As it settled in the sand among the bones and the bottles
Down Down Down and was never seen again!

My Great Grandmother came on a steamboat
From New York in a new century
And though she lived long enough to meet me
She never got another Ukulele
Not a cloud was in the sky
As New York harbour sank down out of sight
All the glad hands waved good bye
Hers where covering her eyes
My Great Grandfather’s future bride leaning over the side and shouting

Stop this ship
Somebody better go over board for me
They just dropped my Ukulele
Down in the deep dark cold Atlantic Ocean.
Track Name: Air of Grandeur
I used to cultivate an Air of Grandeur
When I was eleven I was always busy talking to myself
Talking through ways to accrue unimaginable wealth
Now my dreams are less financial
Still I suffer from an attitude that’s fanciful at best
And though I know my latitude my longitude is anybody’s guess

Hey-hey-hey it’s a beautiful
Day it’s a wonderful life
So dry your eyes

Why would you weep about one little problem?
Taken as a whole there are a million different reasons you should cry
And looking at it rationally
Nothing happens when you die
There’s a great deal of comfort in a cup of hot chocolate
Life’s little pleasures
You should cultivate them every one you try
Sooner or later you’re going to need them

Love is far from all you need but don’t go far from who you love
It’s more important than your shoes it’s more important than your car
Love is far from all you need but don’t go far from who you love
It’s more important than your haircut or how cool you think you are

I’m talking about outrageous fortune
All the slings and arrows
And the wave of sorrow in paddling pools of joy
Because the world is full of weeping
And ugly shiny Chinese plastic toys
I respect the old philosophers
Still I’d like to think that doing something counts for something too
And a Hemlock smoothie’s got to be bad for you

Do what you want to do
Be who you want to be
It’s a wonderful life