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Things That Happened and Other Stories

by The Burning Glass

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1.
Intro 00:29
2.
Got myself a leather jacket From the British Heart Foundation and I’ve been Rocking this bad boy loo since then I know I only look like James dean in my own imagination But I’ve been dreaming the same old dreams. Got a faulty alternator in my ‘P’ reg. Ford Fiesta I’ve been parking at the top of the hill for a while I’ve got to get enough momentum to drag me out of this depression I need a spark of inspiration please I’ve got the kind of coat you feel at home in Probably how the cow did before somebody brained him Now I’m sitting in my car at the bottom of the hill And I’m not going anywhere this weekend Once I built a bottle rocket That outstripped the competition My foot pumped on my foot pump until it flew Up above the upturned faces of aspiring diminutive space scientists And I remember hoping it would never come back down Gravity’s a law you can depend on Got less than ten pounds to spend on Looking hip slick swerve and definitely debonair But I don’t care I feel lighter than the air.
3.
Late to develop I was told I’d never be a ninja Went home and cried for a while And became a TEFL teacher Flew to Brazil and got sunstroke On Copacabana beach A cockroach fell into my can of coke I was vomiting for hours Feeling pretty foolish very white and much to English I started smoking cigarettes Waiting for my adult life to start Met a girl in evening dress and heals Who said she worked in cinema I had a mental image to conceal Of me naked underneath her Never happened but that is OK Because I’ve got it in the archives Of my late night onanism library Under ‘C’ for cinematic imagery Drowning out my sorrows bought a second hand miniature banjo It was totally unplayable The soundtrack to my freshly broken heart Waiting for my adult life to start How the days we live in all unfold like origami birds Looking back we can’t make out at all the shapes they had before Found a dead guy in the street Near apartment Tried to tell a cop in bad Portuguese He was totally indifferent He didn’t even take my name or check his pulse He just walked away Smoking a cigarette I went home a watched foreign TV shows Watching foreign TV shows all night
4.
Bumblebees 04:07
Booked myself a holiday Somewhere in the sun Six thousand degrees or so Is hot enough for anyone Happiness is not enough I demand euphoria all of the time So said Calvin to Hobbes And it’s like he read my mind Do you know what I mean when I say that I feel like foreign currency? Kept in a jar on your window sill Waiting for your next holiday It’d be a shame if I was replaced Like Deutschmarks Drachma Franks and Lira It’d be OK if you took me away and left me Somewhere in the sun The ashtray gives the game away I haven’t slept a wink Got up every hour or so To piss in the sink I wish I had a million me’s I’d send them out like bumblebees To fertilise the flowers that grow On the slopes of the Pyrenees I can’t draw any conclusions But I can draw quite convincing polar bears I would like to turn my life around But that would be like Convincing polar bears to tap dance Or go vegetarian Did something inexplicable Riding on my bike down hill one night I’d like to say it was the brakes that failed But actually I shut my eyes Just for a minute or two I flew Till I swerved into the curb and went over the handlebars Thankfully there where no cars But I’ve still got scars Do you know what I mean when I say that I feel like I’m tap dancing on thin ice Left to my own devices I just can’t decide if I’m indecisive Stretching metaphors like rubber bands round letters in a postman’s hands Going about his rounds pretending he’s a bumblebee.
5.
We let go of every droplet of water we had stored up inside us Not that we’re crying we’re not we’re just letting it go We’ve no aspirations we’re mostly just moisture That we gathered up Through transpiration Don’t think we’re lonely we’re not we’re just here on our own We don’t look down on people who open umbrellas And hunch up their shoulders for shelter Not that we care if they’re there or they’re not it’s the same We rain on a bride and we rain on her wedding day Rain on the rabbits And rain on the motorway Not that they’re tiny they’re not they’re just so far away. When we are dry we can lie like a quilt On the countryside comfortably curled up beneath us Not that we’re empty we’re not we’re just floating away We rained on a girl who was writing a letter We rained down her love on a boy who felt better To know she’s not distant she’s just a great distance away She’s just a great distance away.
6.
Marilyn 02:54
Marilyn I have been in love with you since I was ten I had a major sexual awakening When I saw you kissing Tony Curtis On a yacht In Some Like it Hot Marilyn I’m sorry that you had to meet a sticky end In such unpleasant circumstances Like John Lennon, Jesus or Jim Morrison All that’s left of you is a Skeleton Marilyn I went to an exhibition of your things And I when I though that the attendant Was not attending I buried my face in your purple dress To catch the scent Of Chanel No 5 But all I got was dust and mothballs Marilyn oh Marilyn Monroe I want you to know You where the first girl that made me want to grow up To get a hair style I never got one but I was dipping my toe in the turbulent tide of sexuality Tentatively at first But then my thirst took hold of me Your dress was so tight I could hardly breathe Maybe you should not have slept with the Kennedys But think of all the money that you saved on plastic surgery I have never been the president of anything But whether or not the yacht was mine I could have sung you happy birthday on it I think I could have made you happier than all that Valium All that’s left of you is a skeleton.
7.
I can talk to spiders I can talk to spiders psychically I know exactly when an egg is absolutely right and there’s no liquid white only liquid gold it’s the kind of alchemy that occupied a young Da Vinci maybe that is what is really in the Da Vinci code? I can talk to spiders did he talk to Spiders? Also psychically I know precisely when the train will stop and so I stand exactly where the doors will open wide I always know what spiders think I only have to ask them What do you think Mr spider sir? What is on your mind? I can talk to spiders we talk for hours Talking in the shower they give me psychic powers Psychicallytoknowexactlywhenaneggisabsolutelyrightandthere’snoliquidwhiteonlyliquidgold. PSYCHICALLY TO KNOW EXACTLY WHEN AN EGG IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT AND THERE’s NO LIQUID WHITE ONLY LIQUID GOLD.
8.
My Great Grandmother came on a steam boat From New York in a new century Saying goodbye to her friends and family She packed up her bags and her Ukulele But something snapped or something slipped As they loaded up the bags onto the ship And down the Ukulele fell Into the North Atlantic swell As the captain rang the bell She was raising hell and hollering Stop this ship Somebody better go over board for me They just dropped my Ukulele Her name was Eleanor she was not a girl you could ignore She had a will of iron and her head was full of songs That she’d learnt as a girl With the snakes in the mountains and Sung to her mother when the nights where long Down down down went the case into the water Drowned drowned drowned where the contents of the case She was leaning over the starboard side Looking pretty dissatisfied My Great Grandfather’s future bride Was leaning over the side and shouting Stop this ship Somebody better go over board for me They just dropped my Ukulele The seagulls shrieked and the foghorn sounded Down in the dark it was a silent as the grave Her voice was snatched by the noise of the departure Soon that ship was well underway Down it sank like a stone into the ocean A hermit crab was disturbed by the commotion As it settled in the sand among the bones and the bottles Down Down Down and was never seen again! My Great Grandmother came on a steamboat From New York in a new century And though she lived long enough to meet me She never got another Ukulele Not a cloud was in the sky As New York harbour sank down out of sight All the glad hands waved good bye Hers where covering her eyes My Great Grandfather’s future bride leaning over the side and shouting Stop this ship Somebody better go over board for me They just dropped my Ukulele Down in the deep dark cold Atlantic Ocean.
9.
I used to cultivate an Air of Grandeur When I was eleven I was always busy talking to myself Talking through ways to accrue unimaginable wealth Now my dreams are less financial Still I suffer from an attitude that’s fanciful at best And though I know my latitude my longitude is anybody’s guess Hey-hey-hey it’s a beautiful Day it’s a wonderful life So dry your eyes Why would you weep about one little problem? Taken as a whole there are a million different reasons you should cry And looking at it rationally Nothing happens when you die There’s a great deal of comfort in a cup of hot chocolate Life’s little pleasures You should cultivate them every one you try Sooner or later you’re going to need them Love is far from all you need but don’t go far from who you love It’s more important than your shoes it’s more important than your car Love is far from all you need but don’t go far from who you love It’s more important than your haircut or how cool you think you are I’m talking about outrageous fortune All the slings and arrows And the wave of sorrow in paddling pools of joy Because the world is full of weeping And ugly shiny Chinese plastic toys I respect the old philosophers Still I’d like to think that doing something counts for something too And a Hemlock smoothie’s got to be bad for you Do what you want to do Be who you want to be It’s a wonderful life
10.
Outro 00:37

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The debut album from Edwin Brooks and The Burning Glass

Watch the video here: youtu.be/F0st2F6Lg-o

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released March 22, 2014

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The Burning Glass London, UK

Edwin Brooks writes songs that tell stories and make people laugh, jiggle about and even occasionally cry. The band use tuned percussion, ukulele, fiddle, drums and lots of singing to bring these songs to life in their own distinctive style of acoustic pop. They will be performing their debut recording ‘Things that Happened and Other Stories’ on the festival circuit in 2014. ... more

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